Do It Anyway - Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.

Mother Teresa

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God brings people into your life

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person…

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a God send and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be…

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on…

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real…but only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

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Judge Not

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

A True Story by Rev. John Powell

Father John Powell, a professor at Loyola University in Chicago, writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:
 Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith.

That was the day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders. It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long.. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn't what's on your head but what's in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped. I immediately filed Tommy under "S" for strange... Very strange.

Tommy turned out to be the "atheist in residence" in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father/God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a cynical tone, "Do you think I'll ever find God?"

I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. "No!" I said very emphatically.

"Why not," he responded, "I thought that was the product you were pushing."

I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then I called out, "Tommy! I don't think you'll ever find Him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you! "He shrugged a little and left my class and my life.

I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line -- He will find you! At least I thought it was clever.

Later I heard that Tommy had graduated, and I was duly grateful.


Then a sad report came.I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy.


But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe. "Tommy, I've thought about you so often; I hear you are sick," I blurted out.

"Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It's a matter of weeks."

"Can you talk about it, Tom?" I asked.

"Sure, what would you like to know?" he replied.

"What's it like to be only twenty-four and dying?

"Well, it could be worse.

"Like what?


"Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real biggies in life..

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under "S" where I had filed Tommy as strange.(It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification, God sends back into my life to educate me.)

"But what I really came to see you about," Tom said, "is something you said to me on the last day of class."(He remembered!) He continued, "I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, 'No!' which surprised me Then you said, 'But He will find you.’I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time.

(My clever line. He thought about that a lot!)

"But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, that's when I got serious about locating God.. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven. But God did not come out.

In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.

"Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn't really care about God, about an after life, or anything like that.


I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: 'The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.'"

"So, I began with the hardest one, my Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him. "Dad.”


Yes, what?" he asked without lowering the newspaper. "Dad, I would like to talk with you."


"Well, talk.

"I mean. It's really important."

The newspaper came down three slow inches. "What is it?"

"Dad, I love you, I just wanted you to know that. "Tom smiled at me and said it with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him.”The newspaper fluttered to the floor.


Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me. We talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me."

"It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years.

"I was only sorry about one thing --- that I had waited so long. Here I was, just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.

"Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn't come to me when I pleaded with Him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, 'C'mon, jump through. C'mon, I'll give you three days, three weeks.'"

"Apparently God does things in His own way and at His own hour. But the important thing is that He was there. He found me! You were right.. He found me even after I stopped looking for Him."

"Tommy," I practically gasped, "I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make Him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that.


He said: 'God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him. 'Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn't be half as effective as if you were to tell it.

"Oooh.. I was ready for you, but I don't know if I'm ready for your class."

"Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call."

In a few days Tom called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date.

However, he never made it. He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed. He made the great step from faith into vision.

He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined.


Before he died, we talked one last time.

"I'm not going to make it to your class," he said.

"I know, Tom."

"Will you tell them for me? Will you ... tell the whole world for me?"

I will, Tom. I'll tell them. I'll do my best."

So, to all of you who have been kind enough to read this simple story about God's love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven --- I told them, Tommy, as best I could.

It is a true story and is not enhanced for publicity purposes.

With thanks, Rev. John Powell, Professor, Loyola University, Chicago

The Secret of Santa by Betty Werth

On Christmas Eve, a young boy with light in his eyes,

Looked deep into Santa’s, to Santa’s surprise,

And said as he nestled on Santa’s broad knee,

“I want your secret. Tell it to me.”

He leaned up and whispered in Santa’s good ear,

How do you do it, year after year?

“I want to know how, as you travel about,

Giving gifts here and there, you never run out.

How is it, dear Santa, that in your pack of toys

You have plenty for all of the world’s girls and boys?

Stay so full, never empties, as you make your way

From rooftop to rooftop, to homes large and small,

From nation to nation them all?

And Santa smiled kindly and said to the boy,

“Don’t ask me hard questions. Don’t you want a toy?”

But the child shook his head, and Santa could see.

That he needed the answer. “Now listen to me,”

He told the small boy with the light in his eyes,

“My secret will make you sadder, and wise.”

“The truth is that my sack is magic. Inside.

It holds millions of toys for my Christmas Eve ride.

But although I do visit each girl and each boy

I don’t always leave them a gaily wrapped toy,

Some homes are desperate, some homes are bad.

Some homes are broken, and children there grieve.

Those homes I visit, but what should I leave?

“My sleigh is filled with the happiest stuff,

But for homes where despair lives, toys aren’t enough.

So I tiptoe in, kiss each girl and boy,

And pray with them that they’ll be given the joy

Of the spirit of Christmas, the spirit that lives

In the heart of the dear child who gets not, but gives.

If only God hears me and answers my prayer,

When I visit next year, what I will find there

Are homes filled with peace, and with giving, and love

And boys and girls gifted with light from above.

It’s a very hard task, my smart little brother,

To give toys to some and to give prayers to others.

But the prayers are the best gifts, the best gifts indeed.

For God has a way of meeting each need.

That’s part of the answer. The rest, my dear youth,

Is that my sack is magic. And that is the truth.

In my sack I carry on Christmas Eve day

More love that a Santa could e’er give away.

The sack never empties of love, or of joys.

‘Cause inside it are prayers, and hopes. Not just toys.

The more that I give, the fuller it seems,

Because giving is my way of fulfilling dreams.

“And do you know something? You’ve got a sack, too.

It’s as magic as mine, and it’s inside of you.

It never gets empty, it’s full from the start.

It’s the center of light, and of love. It’s your heart.

And if on this Christmas you want to help me,

Don’t be so concerned with gifts ‘neath your tree

Open that sack called your heart, and share

Your joy, your friendship, your wealth, your care.”

The light in the small boy’s eyes was glowing.

“Thanks for the secret. I’ve got to be going.”

“Wait, little boy,” said Santa, “don’t go.”

Will you share? Will you help? Will you use what you know?”


And just for a moment the small boy stood still,

Touched his heart with his small hand and whispered,

“I will”

By Betty Werth

I Dreamt...

I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, "This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received." I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.
 Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them. "I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledgment Section," my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed "How is it that there is no work going on here?" I asked. "So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments ." "How does one acknowledge God's blessings?" I asked. "Simple," the angel answered.

Just say, "Thank you, Lord."

"What blessings should they acknowledge?" I asked.

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy ."

"And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity."

"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness . You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day ."

"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation. You are ahead of 700 million people in the world."

"If you can attend a church without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world! ."

"If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair."

Ok, what now? How can I start? If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Treasure Inside

A man was exploring caves by the Seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake. They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could.

He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock . Inside was a beautiful, precious stone!

Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left.

Then it struck him. He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away!

It's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it.

We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.

There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.

May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay. May we see the people in our world as God sees them.

I am so blessed by the gems of friendship I have with you. Thank you for looking beyond my clay vessel.

Baby Hugs

A Baby's Hug ~


We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking.


Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, 'Hi.' He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment.


I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled..


His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. 'Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster,' the man said to Erik.


My husband and I exchanged looks, 'What do we do?' Erik continued to laugh and answer, 'Hi. 'Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man.


The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, 'Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek- a-boo.


'Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.


We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door.


'Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,' I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to side step him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's pick-me-up' position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man.


Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.


I stood awe struck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, 'You take care of this baby.' Somehow I managed, 'I will,' from a throat that contained a stone.


He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, 'God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift.' I said nothing more than a muttered thanks.


With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, 'My God, my God, forgive me.'


I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not.


I felt it was God asking, 'Are you willing to share your son for a moment?' When He shared His for all eternity. How did God feel when he put his baby in our arms 2000 years ago.


The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, 'To enter the Kingdom of God, we must become as little children.' Sometimes, it takes a child to remind us of what is really important.


We must always remember who we are, where we came from and, most importantly, how we feel about others. The clothes on your back or the car that you drive or the house that you live in does not define you at all; it is how you treat your fellow man that identifies who you are.


This one is a keeper.' It is better to be liked for the true you, than to be loved for who people think you are......


Author Unknown

God's Cake

We all wonder many many many times over WHY? Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation!


A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.


Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."


"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.


"Yuck" says her daughter.


"How about a couple raw eggs?"


"Gross, Mom!"


"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"


"Mom, those are all yucky!"


To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! "God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!


God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

Expectations by Garden Angel

I used to move so fast my life was a blur. I worked FT in a very high stress job, took care of 2 growing boys, gardened, kept a spotless house, cooked, baked, ran everyone everywhere, did the bills, shopped, gave all the big family parties, and called all my friends on a weekly bases to keep all their lives going too.

Who did I think I was a super woman?? Yes, I did. Then I got sick and God said “Slow down girl and look at your life”.

Why do we feel this driving need to do everything and be everything to everybody to be a good person? Why do we expect so much from ourselves? I know for me it was part my past, part lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence in who I am. I don’t remember a time I didn’t want to please people. Being a perfectionist to me was something I always took great pride in. I always listed it as being one of my best qualities. To this day, it’s one of the qualities I miss the most from who I once was. I can no longer be a perfectionist. I can’t physically or mentally do it anymore.

The hardest lesson for a perfectionist to learn is delegation without criticism, but I had to learn. I had to learn how to allow others to help me and when they did help I had to accept how they did it. This also means being patient and waiting for it to get done without losing it. The “I can do it better and faster” way of doing things is now a thing of the past. I have had to accept this.

There are those of us with FM and other illness that still hold onto the superwomen ideal. Why do they wonder why they are frustrated, flaring, resentful, and envious of the people in our lives that sit there and don’t help or understand how they feel?

Hubby comes home from work, tired, parks on the recliner in front of TV, expects dinner on silver platter, house clean, laundry done and you in a pretty pink dress all shiny and smiling. Every man's dream, right? You work to, but you come home and you believe you should have the energy to be “that every man's dream”, Wrong.

Ask yourself these questions:

Why do you feel this is expected of you?

Who told you, you were expected to do this, this way?

Does he really expect this? Or is it what you think he expects and what you have always done so now he expects it from you?

Would he be willing to help you? Would the kids? Have you asked?

Have you tried to let them help you or have you just criticized the way they do things?

Is your expectations so high and patience so low that the “I can do it myself” thing is so over whelming to you and you just can’t let go?

Think about it. Talk about it with your family. You have changed; your life must change too.

When you talk to your family, etc. give them info on your med condition, explain how it affects you and everything you do. Ask for their help, then except it when given. No, they won’t do it as fast as you or “the way you do”, but it will be done. Yes, this is a rosy picture. I know they aren’t going to jump at the chance to help, but explain to them that by helping you, you will feel better and will have more energy to spend time with them.

Teach your kids how to do a good job. As a parent, you need to teach them how to do these things correctly. These are chores they will need to do as adults. Doing something well will build their self-esteem and confidence. Encourage them by letting them know they are helping you out, being a responsible member of the family and give them a sense of pride in being an important part of the family. You learned this lesson when you were young that’s how you became the perfectionist you are today.

Set up a cleaning schedule where everyone is included and post it in plain sight. Assign tasks for everyone, kids, and hubby** included. This teaches responsibility and that everyone is part of a team that needs to work together as a family. Set expectations of job completion for everyone. Plan reward time if everything is complete on time. If one person didn’t complete the task by that time they don’t get to go or do the reward. This can be as simple as family night with pizza and a video or a camping trip. I never believed in allowance for my kids. Chores are part of being a family and no one pays you to do them, why should kids be paid.

** Some hubby’s had perfectionist as mom’s and never learned to clean, cook or run errands. Given the chance, encouragement, and training they can still learn. Mine did!

Men like us have bad days and good days. I know when my Hubby gets upset with me it's not always about me, it's something else that's bothering him. Knowing what he is frustrated and upset about can help to open a path of communication. Sitting down and talking things out, working things out with an open mind will go a long way in getting through all the changes in both your lives.

Men like the book says, think in black and white, broken, fix it. My hubby gets frustrated when I'm in a flare because there is nothing he can do to "fix it.” Some time they just get upset cause they feel helpless because they don’t know how to help us. I asked my hubby this once and his eyes just shined and he said exactly, that just how he feels.

So, what are we to do? Give them information, simple basic information. Sit down and review it with them. Bring them to your Dr visit or therapy. Let them see that they aren’t the only one who has no clue; Drs don't have a clue either.

So now that their educated, tell them what you need them to do. Don't include words like “you have to”, or “do this or that”, they will look at that as a command, and you don't want that. I think I said something to the effect of...”When I'm in a flare I need lots of gentle hugs. I do what I can, but I need you to be patient with me. When I'm in a flare, my whole body is screaming. If you want to help me you could”...insert list here. Don't make it too big or complicated. I think this gives them something to keep them busy and feel useful when you hurt. When they finish, a task be overly thankful. We don't need to be thanked for all the millions of things we do but they live for the thank yous.

Another thing hubby and I do is divide up tasks. You gather up trash, he takes it out. You sort the wash, he loads, you fold, and he puts away. You dust, he vacuums. You rinse and load the dishwasher, he unloads. You clean up the kitchen; he wipes down the cabinets and sweeps the floor.

You are partners in the fight against this monster. Your life has changed it effects everyone not just you. You have to get everyone on the same page, family, and friends included. Those that choose not to understand, well it's their choice, and that's that. You have to take care of you. I know it sounds selfish but Stress does equal pain and you sure don't need any more pain.

So stop feeling guilty for the things you can’t do. Stop expecting so much of yourself. Reach out to your family, friends and significant other and not only educate them on FM, but what you need when you’re in a flare. Let them know how they can help, then except their help with thanks and encouragement, not criticism. Learn to forgive yourself, you did nothing wrong to get FM, it just happened. Life is different. Learn your limitations and adapt to new ways of doing things. Be good to you.

But you don't look sick...The Spoon theory by Christine Miserandino

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn't seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.
She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of "spoons". But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn't even started yet. I’ve wanted more "spoons" for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she?

I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said " No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can't take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too." I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s "spoons", but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less "spoons". I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on "spoons", because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared”

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day's plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count "spoons".

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can't go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my "spoons".

A letter to Normals by Claudia Marek

LETTER TO NORMALS by Claudia Marek

Here is my letter to Normals. You are all welcome to use it, either as is, or as a basis for writing your own. Obviously not everyone will be interested enough to read through it, but for those who will, I hope it helps.

Fibromyalgia isn't all in my head, and it isn't contagious. It doesn't turn into anything serious and nobody ever died from fibromyalgia thought they might have wished they could on really awful days. I can't control how often I feel good or how often I feel terrible. If you want to read articles or books about fibromyalgia I can show you some that I think are good. If you just want to learn as we go along, that's fine too. This is definitely going to be a process. The first step is for you to believe that there is an illness called fibromyalgia and that I have it. This may sound simple, but when you hear about some of the symptoms I don't want you to think I'm making it up.

Fibromyalgia is a high maintenance condition with lots and lots of different kinds of symptoms. There's no way to just take a pill to make it go away, even for a little while. Sometimes a certain medication can make some of my symptoms more bearable. That's about the best I can hope for. Sometimes I can take a lot of medication and still not feel any better. That's just the way it goes.

There's no cure for fibromyalgia and it won't go away. If I am functioning normally, I am having a good day. This doesn't mean I'm getting better because I suffer from chronic pain and fatigue for which there is no cure. I can have good days, weeks or even months. But a good morning can suddenly turn into a terrible afternoon. I get a feeling like someone has pulled out a plug and all my energy has just run out of my body. I might get more irritable before these flares, and suddenly get more sensitive to noise or just collapse from deadening fatigue. Othertimes there may be no warning, I may just suddenly feel awful. I can't warn you when this is likely to happen because there isn't any way for me to know. Sometimes this is a real spoiler and I'm sorry.

Fibromyalgics have a different kind of pain that is hard to treat. It is not caused by inflammation like an injury. It is not a constant ache in one place like a broken bone. It moves around my body daily and hourly and changes in severity and type. Sometimes it is dull and sometimes it is cramping or prickly. Sometimes it's jabbing and excruciating. If Eskimos have a hundred words for snow, fibromyalgics should have them for pain. Sometimes I just hurt all over.

Besides pain we have muscle stiffness which is worse in the morning. Sometimes when I get up out of a chair I feel like I am ninety years old. I may ask you to pull me up. I'm creaky and I'm klutzy. I trip over things no one can see, and I bump into the person I am walking with and I drop things and spill things because my fingers are stiff and my coordination is off. I just don't seem to connect the way I should. Hand-eye, foot-eye coordination, it's all off. I walk slowly up and down stairs because I'm stiff and I'm afraid I might fall.

Because I feel bad most of the time I am always pushing myself, and sometimes I push myself too hard. When I do this, I pay the price. Sometimes I can summon the strength to do something special but I will usually have to rest for a few days because my body can only make so much energy. I pay a big price for overdoing it, but sometimes I have to. I know it's hard for you to understand why I can do one thing and not another. It's important for you to believe me, and trust me about this. My limitations, like my pain and my other symptoms are invisible, but they are there.

Another symptom I have is problems with memory and concentration which is called fibrofog. Short-term memory is the worst! I am constantly looking for things which I have no idea where I put, I walk into rooms and have no idea why. Casualties are my keys which are always lost, my list of errands, which I write up and leave on the counter when I go out. Even if I put notes around to remind myself of important things, I'm still liable to forget them. Don't worry, this is normal for fibromyalgics. Most of us are frightened that we are getting Alzheimer's.
I mentioned my sensitivities earlier and I need to talk about them again. It's more like an intolerance to everything. To noise, especially certain noises like the television or shrill noises. To smells like fish or some chemicals, or fragrances or perfume. I also have a problem with heat and cold. It sounds like I'm never happy but that isn't it. These things make me physically ill. They stress me out and make my pain worse and I get exhausted. Sometimes I just need to get away from something, I just don't know how to say it. I know that sometimes this means I will have to go outside, or out to the car,or home to sit alone and that's really all right. Sometimes when I feel lousy I just want to be by myself. When I'm like this there's nothing you can do to make me feel better, so it's just better to let me be.

I have problems sleeping. Sometimes I get really restless and wake up and can't get back to sleep. Other times I fall into bed and sleep for fourteen hours. I'm sure that's confusing to be around, and I know there are times when my tossing and turning and getting up and down to go to the bathroom disturbs you. We can talk about solutions to this.

All these symptoms and the chemicals in my brain can me depressed as you'd imagine. I get angry and frustrated and I have mood swings. Sometimes I know I'm being unreasonable but I can't admit it. Sometimes I just want to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed. These emotions are all very strong and powerful. I know this is a very hard thing about being with me. Every time you put up with me when I'm in one of my moods, secretly I'm grateful. I can't always admit it at the time, but I'm admitting it now.

I have other symptoms like irritable bowel and pelvic pain that will take their toll on our intimacies. Some of these symptoms are embarrassing and hard to talk about but I promise to try. I hope that you will have the patience to see me through these things. It's very hard for me too because I love you and I want to be with you, and it makes everything worse when you are upset and tired of dealing with all my problems. I have made a promise to myself and now I am making it to you: I will set aside time for us to be close. During that time we will not talk about my illness. We both need time to get away from its demands. Though I may not always show it I love you a million times more for standing by me. Having to slow down physically and having to get rid of unnecessary stresses will make our relationship stronger.

Where did Family go?? by Garden Angel

Where did the "family" go in Holiday celebrations?

When I was growing up it was a given that you would be home for the holidays. Relatives would come and spend the day eating great food, talking, playing cards and just spending time as a family at Thanksgiving and Christmas. We would gather friends, extended families, in-laws and co workers and share the time of love.

On Christmas which is my favorite holiday. Family would come from all over to spend the day at my grams. Everyone would bring their signature dish to share. Others would come early to help cook. The cooking part took weeks to prepare and anyone who lived close would drop in to help. The big dinner was always around noon. After dinner the men would go watch football. The women would be in the kitchen doing dishes, cleaning up and getting snacks and desert trays ready for later. When the kitchen was clean and tidy the women would put the little kids down for a nap or the older kids would play board games. Then the adults would gather around the huge dinning room table and play cards, talk and catch up on each other. There was no fighting, or bickering, and no one laid around watching TV, that was turned off after 1 game. Later those trays would come out and we would all get ready to go to candle light service at grams church. Then it was home to bed to wait for Santa. It was a long wonderful day filled with family, friends and love. No presents were exchanged that day, just fun, family, love and the spirit of God.

Early in the morning we would go in the living room to see all the presents and try to wake up everyone so we could open them. Once the ceremony of opening presents was over and the wrappings picked up, we would have a big wonderful breakfast. After we would watch football or our favorite holiday shows and play with new toys till dinner. After dinner the best thing would be to get in the car and drive all over looking at Christmas lights till bed time. This was a day to relax and be with our personal family.

Those are the best things I remember about Christmas as a child. Christmas was filled with family, smiles, tons of unbelievable food, church and presents. Where did that go?? When did it all change? What's with this modern Christmas?

It's cold and impersonal. To many ppl to see on one day. To much rushing to get to other things. Dinner is reduced to a piece of meat, potatoes and a salad. No one gathers now without a TV blaring away and video games humming. And very few will spend any time at all at church celebrating the true meaning of the whole holiday, the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. Do you even say a prayer over the Christmas dinner? Do you say happy birthday to Jesus, and thank God for such a wonderful gift of true love? What is all this rushing around house to house, party to party, store to store get us?

Our families are a gift from God. Our friends are a gift from God. Our parents understood this and taught it to us yr after yr. What happened?

If we have extended families why can't we invite them over? If your married why do you have to split up and go to each families house. Pick a house and gather as one, then change the next yr. Do your best friends have someone to spend the holidays? If not, invite them to your family gathering and share in the spirit of love.

Christmas is a time to forget silly squabbles, past hurts that are ancient and differences that don't mean a thing. It's a time to gather together and reconnect as a family. Times are very hard now. So many have lost so much. Gather together as a family in Gods name. Remember friends come and go in our lives but family is forever and a gift from God.

Share the love you have with friends, and family now this yr for some may not be there in the future, and you would have missed the opportunity to share the love of this wonderful season with them. Forget the presents under the tree, turn the TV and video games off, and give the gift of love this yr. Honor those who are no longer here. Invite, call or send a card to someone who has made a difference in your life and thank them for being there when you needed a friend. Pray for those who are so far away at war.

Instead of opening presents open your heart to your family and friends. For all the pretty presents under the tree will never be as great as the gift of Love.

The window through which we look

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
 "That laundry is not very clean", she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly.Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband.

"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this. The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.
 And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.
 **Are you looking through dirty windows? Some time we judge quickly with out all the facts. When in truth it is our owe view that block the way of us seeing the truth. Before you judge another make sure you've cleaned your window.
 Matthew 7 1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

The Wooden Bowl

I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.
 A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.

'We must do something about father,' said the son. 'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.

Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded, 'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up. The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless.

Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you but, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

Just a Thought

These are some of the most important things I've learned. Stress causes pain. Depression causes pain. Over doing causes pain. Giving into the pain causes pain.
 Because of all of you in the beginning of my journey with Fm I learned how to stop giving into the pain and moving through it. I learned to delegate my energy to people and places that I felt rewarded giving my energy too. I learned that I don't need to save the world that finding love and support in my family and friends means the world to me.


I've also learned the hardest lesson. That I may be the sum of my past, but I’m not defined by it or incapable of change. I know that because I'm an A type personality. I have always put others before my self, not taking care of my health or my well-being. I have always been a perfectionist, even when I was little. My parents did not know how to take care of me (I'm the oldest of 3), my 2 sisters or my deaf brother. So I became the mother, never really having been a kid from the time I was 7. My mom worked full time as a cook and was very immature. My dad was a truck driver and a complete stranger to me.

My mom died several yrs ago and we still had the same roles, I was the mom and she my daughter, despite all the yrs I tried to change that. It gave us a very difficult relationship and I felt bad that in the end I still could not find away to talk to her with out fighting.


My dad is now back in my life and since my mothers death has made a great effort to get to know me as a person. I'm finally getting to know who he is, and it's not so bad. He has finally answered most of the why's in my past. And I’m finding most of it doesn’t matter anymore.

Many yrs ago I had to go through extensive counseling to deal with all this and many other issues that still cause sometime deep depression. So I whole-heartedly agree that who we are at the core, is a major factor in what causes FM.


Our past counts more than we know, but I also know that we are all capable of change.
Now I ask for help and accept it without criticism. I have taken inventory of my world and edited everything in it to reduce stress. I have found that friends and things have gone, but I don’t miss them. I have found a new world, simple, loving, faithful, warm and true. I have grown in my faith. I love more, laugh more and try to be more forgiving and understanding.

I have also learned how to forgive more.


I know we are all of different faiths and beliefs, but God to me is the only one who has the power to judge another for there beliefs, choices, mistakes, pasts, and future. We do not have that power and I think the world would be a much nicer place if we left the judgment to God. My parents were far from perfect, I am far from perfect. Life is to short to spend it in bitterness, resentment, grudges, what ifs and dwelling on past hurts that can't be undone. Forgiveness isn't something I've mastered; it's something I'm constantly working for. For only in forgiveness can we find our way and peace.
Just a thought.

The 5 Stages of Grief

There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or the other, the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be complete. Thus there will be no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to be well again, to heal. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages, they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backward, but this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. But, as stressed, ALL five stages must be completed for healing to occur.
 I have learned through my counselor that living with chronic pain/FM we all go through the five stages of grief. This disease changes us forever. We can learn how to manage it but we still all go through the five levels of grief and they are:


1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me" No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the disease. “I can take care of myself.” Why would I have this disease? We read everything and keep saying this isn't me!
2-Anger-"why me?" feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with those that don’t believe we have pain wither it be a Dr, Family member, friend or spouse. We are angry at the disease, blaming it for our problems, our limitations, and our pain. We fight with everyone because we want them to feel our pain. And we are angry at the loss of ourselves. We are no longer the person we once were. Our minds tell us to keep going and do all the things we’ve always done but our bodies deny us the ability to do those things and we get angry.


3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the diagnosis. Attempting to make deals with our self, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the outcome of all the tests, research and what the Dr tells us. Begging, wishing, praying for the old you to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of the person you once were, all your hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Feeling like you’re all alone in this and no one believes you or your pain. Perhaps feeling suicidal.


5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the disease, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it’s not your fault, you did not do anything to bring on this disease it just happened. You must learn to live a full life with the disease and all it’s limitations. Finding the good that can come out of the new person you’ve become. Finding new support with people who care and understand what you’re going through. People, who show you new ways to cope with the pain, find comfort, understanding and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth, finding a new proposes, conquering the pain and living a full life. By taking one day at a time and don’t look back.
Get help. You will survive. You will learn to live a full life, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To learn to live with the pain and move past it proves that we are alive, human. We can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day finding the one thing that will make us feel better, find happiness and purpose in our lives again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to facilitate healing and bring good out of something tragic.


In conclusion you must fight for the right to have a life. To move through the pain. To be your own advocate, learn everything you can, try everything till you find something that works for you. Keep moving anyway you can no matter how small but keep moving. Take one thing at a time to reduce the stress. Simplify your life. I think Rob explained that the best. Love, Laugh and Live life to the fullest. Start today what do you have to lose?