Just a Thought

These are some of the most important things I've learned. Stress causes pain. Depression causes pain. Over doing causes pain. Giving into the pain causes pain.
 Because of all of you in the beginning of my journey with Fm I learned how to stop giving into the pain and moving through it. I learned to delegate my energy to people and places that I felt rewarded giving my energy too. I learned that I don't need to save the world that finding love and support in my family and friends means the world to me.


I've also learned the hardest lesson. That I may be the sum of my past, but I’m not defined by it or incapable of change. I know that because I'm an A type personality. I have always put others before my self, not taking care of my health or my well-being. I have always been a perfectionist, even when I was little. My parents did not know how to take care of me (I'm the oldest of 3), my 2 sisters or my deaf brother. So I became the mother, never really having been a kid from the time I was 7. My mom worked full time as a cook and was very immature. My dad was a truck driver and a complete stranger to me.

My mom died several yrs ago and we still had the same roles, I was the mom and she my daughter, despite all the yrs I tried to change that. It gave us a very difficult relationship and I felt bad that in the end I still could not find away to talk to her with out fighting.


My dad is now back in my life and since my mothers death has made a great effort to get to know me as a person. I'm finally getting to know who he is, and it's not so bad. He has finally answered most of the why's in my past. And I’m finding most of it doesn’t matter anymore.

Many yrs ago I had to go through extensive counseling to deal with all this and many other issues that still cause sometime deep depression. So I whole-heartedly agree that who we are at the core, is a major factor in what causes FM.


Our past counts more than we know, but I also know that we are all capable of change.
Now I ask for help and accept it without criticism. I have taken inventory of my world and edited everything in it to reduce stress. I have found that friends and things have gone, but I don’t miss them. I have found a new world, simple, loving, faithful, warm and true. I have grown in my faith. I love more, laugh more and try to be more forgiving and understanding.

I have also learned how to forgive more.


I know we are all of different faiths and beliefs, but God to me is the only one who has the power to judge another for there beliefs, choices, mistakes, pasts, and future. We do not have that power and I think the world would be a much nicer place if we left the judgment to God. My parents were far from perfect, I am far from perfect. Life is to short to spend it in bitterness, resentment, grudges, what ifs and dwelling on past hurts that can't be undone. Forgiveness isn't something I've mastered; it's something I'm constantly working for. For only in forgiveness can we find our way and peace.
Just a thought.