There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or the other, the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be complete. Thus there will be no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to be well again, to heal. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages, they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backward, but this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. But, as stressed, ALL five stages must be completed for healing to occur.
I have learned through my counselor that living with chronic pain/FM we all go through the five stages of grief. This disease changes us forever. We can learn how to manage it but we still all go through the five levels of grief and they are:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me" No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the disease. “I can take care of myself.” Why would I have this disease? We read everything and keep saying this isn't me!
2-Anger-"why me?" feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with those that don’t believe we have pain wither it be a Dr, Family member, friend or spouse. We are angry at the disease, blaming it for our problems, our limitations, and our pain. We fight with everyone because we want them to feel our pain. And we are angry at the loss of ourselves. We are no longer the person we once were. Our minds tell us to keep going and do all the things we’ve always done but our bodies deny us the ability to do those things and we get angry.
3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the diagnosis. Attempting to make deals with our self, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the outcome of all the tests, research and what the Dr tells us. Begging, wishing, praying for the old you to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of the person you once were, all your hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Feeling like you’re all alone in this and no one believes you or your pain. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the disease, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it’s not your fault, you did not do anything to bring on this disease it just happened. You must learn to live a full life with the disease and all it’s limitations. Finding the good that can come out of the new person you’ve become. Finding new support with people who care and understand what you’re going through. People, who show you new ways to cope with the pain, find comfort, understanding and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth, finding a new proposes, conquering the pain and living a full life. By taking one day at a time and don’t look back.
Get help. You will survive. You will learn to live a full life, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To learn to live with the pain and move past it proves that we are alive, human. We can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day finding the one thing that will make us feel better, find happiness and purpose in our lives again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to facilitate healing and bring good out of something tragic.
In conclusion you must fight for the right to have a life. To move through the pain. To be your own advocate, learn everything you can, try everything till you find something that works for you. Keep moving anyway you can no matter how small but keep moving. Take one thing at a time to reduce the stress. Simplify your life. I think Rob explained that the best. Love, Laugh and Live life to the fullest. Start today what do you have to lose?
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